


Another Self

by Emriel



Series: Jenova's Call [14]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mind Control, Mindfuck, Multiple Personalities, Possession, Possessive Behavior, Psychological Torture, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25894234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emriel/pseuds/Emriel
Summary: Sephiroth believes Cloud is just a puppet made for him. Sephiroth tries to worm himself inside Cloud's mind in order to control him. Possess him. Own him. And Sephiroth succeeds.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: Jenova's Call [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786561
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	Another Self

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted something dark because I wrote a lot of good warmhearted stuff lately.

The taste of ash was in his mouth.

Cloud could see the fire burning bright in the sky. Heavenward, drowned by the grey clouds. Rain should fall to the ground any time soon. If he prayed hard enough.

Cloud was reaching out, to his burning home.

“Ma.” He whispered.

The windows cracked. The door collapsed on the front. And when Cloud finally pulled enough strength in his legs, he opened the door and started looking for her. And there she was, lying on the floor. Blood. And fire licking at her skin. Her apron and dress in singes.

A half burned corpse.

The face, marred with horror.

Mouth open in a silent scream.

“Mom… mom. This can’t be happening. I… You’re… Please… Please wake up.”

He shook her body and dragged it out, bracing himself against the collapsing wood. The door frame sank and he kicked it with all his might, pulling the heavy weight behind him.

But as he laid her there in the townsquare, underneath the old water tower, he was shaking. Eyes wide.

Terrified.

She wasn’t moving.

And Cloud pressed his head against her chest.

No heartbeat. She wasn’t breathing.

He pumped her chest with his hands. Because that’s what you did when people stop breathing right?

But nothing. He did it again.

But it stayed lifeless.

And already, her blood pooling around them. A stab wound on her chest. He hated this. And as he screamed in anguish he cursed the man who was responsible for this. He had to find him. He had to stop him before he did anything worse. Because even if he knew he could die trying, what else did he have to lose?

And something dark stained the front of her robes.

Just droplets. Tears.

* * *

Cloud woke up staring up at the sky, brilliant vermillion. Stars dotting the horizon.

“A bad dream?”

Tifa’s brown eyes stared back at him, and against the firelight, it was red, just like the red orange fire. And Cloud turned away, “Just a memory.”

“Okay. Here’s a sandwich.”

Cloud stared at the innocuous triangular piece of food. It had greens and egg, mayonnaise.

“It’s all we have. Better eat up. We’re moving soon,” Tifa left his side. Cloud sat up from the sleeping bag and looked behind him as she began waking up the others who’d taken refuge inside the tent.

Cloud sometimes preferred to stay outside since his body was sturdier than most. Unless it was raining, he felt better when he was out there in the open.

It made him claustrophobic, not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

He took out the kettle from the bonfire and poured himself a drink. Some instant coffee. And poured water all over the fire.

The wood hissed as the fire died slowly. White ashes cracked off to the side and for good measure, Cloud stomped down on the dying embers for good measure.

* * *

The headaches were getting worse. Something had jarred his memory ever since that dream.

Cloud was repeating it in his head. Sephiroth. How he woke up coughing from the smoke. He stumbled out of the inn and saw the fire. The memory itself was blurry. And he saw Sephiroth. The man acknowledged him. "Traitor." He said. "What happened... Mother... I have to." And something hit his stomach. Cloud immediately coughed out blood and knelt on the floor.

"She begged for me to spare your life."

Cloud couldn't do anything when Sephiroth hit him with the pommel of his sword and Cloud fell over to the floor, unable to move as his ribs gave way under the force.

Cloud wondered why Sephiroth spared him back then. If he was just a traitor, then Sephiroth should have killed him. But he didnt. He spared Zack and Tifa as well.

**_I knew you belonged to me, Cloud. Even back then._ **

Cloud froze as he heard Sephiroth’s voice. He looked around and wondered if the enemy was nearby and all he could hear was laughter.

**_I’m not here to hurt you._ **

‘Get out of my head.’

**_That’s not very polite. Shall I teach you manners, my puppet?_ **

And Cloud winced as pain lanced through his skull. He pressed his head against his arms and groaned.

“Cloud. What’s wrong?” Tifa stopped the engine of the Tiny Bronco and Cloud merely whimpered. Aerith beside him looked at him worriedly.

“Just a headache. It’ll pass. Go on… Don’t worry about me.”

They just got the key from Dio for the Temple of the Ancients. They just didn't know where it was in the continent. He didn't want them to worry about him when he knew how important this was to Aerith. Their voices were getting muddy and Cloud was staring at an endless blue. The water was blurring together just like waves of jelly. Inviting.

If only he could sink into it.

Everything turned.

**WHITE**

Cloud froze up as his surroundings melted. There was nothing but an endless white as he struggled to get rid of the headache that assaulted him.

His entire body hurt, as if something that didn’t belong there was trying to crawl in. A heavy thing, that made it difficult to breathe.

“How pitiful.”

Cloud felt a hand press against his forehead.

Cloud tried to swat it away. He didn’t need help. He didn’t need anything. He just wanted…

“Don’t pretend to be strong when it’s just the two of us, Cloud. I know deep down inside, you’re nothing but a weak child who’s still clinging to old memories. Memories that aren’t even _real._ ”

Cloud felt the hand press down on his chest.

And Cloud kept gasping for breath. He felt so hot. As if he was burning and being crushed by the weight all the same. Such a heavy feeling.

“No… stop.”

“Stop?” Sephiroth laughed, and Cloud opened his eyes, not knowing when he closed them at all and saw the dark leather gloves that smoothed the hair out of his forehead.

“Why should I listen to you?”

Sephiroth’s green eyes were staring down at him. Smiling.

And Cloud winced as the pain lanced down his skull again. A faded memory of the green. Green depths of Mako swirling all around him. A pool that they drowned him in. White robed figures.

As the **b e e p i n g** sounds.

Of machines.

A voice.

Warm. Kind.

"We're ~~f___s~~ aren't we?"

~~“We’ll make it out _____. I swear, Cloud.”~~

Sephiroth’s smile faded, and instead he brought a hand behind Cloud’s head, propping him up and placing him against his chest.

Cloud whimpered.

“Z...za…”

“Not yet. The way you are, you’ll break, puppet. Your mind is still in such a fragile state. The memories you’ve purposely locked up should stay where they are. Trying to dig them out will ruin you. So forget. Forget about him.”

Cloud felt the heavy presence constrict around his head.

And he struggled for a moment.

It felt like drowning.

Like ice was settling all around him, and yet he struggled to breathe. He struggled and tried to push Sephiroth away but in the end.

Cloud heard _Jenova’s_ voice.

And she was so kind, filling him with her love. Cloud winced as he heard her crooning voice..

**_Stop fighting, little one._ **

**_It’ll be easier if you let go._ **

**_Let go of your mind._ **

**_Of your thoughts._ **

**_Surrender._ **

**_And the pain will disappear._ **

Sephiroth smirked as he continued petting his puppet.

“You shouldn’t anger mother or she’ll rip your mind apart. It’s alright. I’m not here to hurt you, Cloud. I only want you to listen.”

Cloud felt a hand press against his back.

“W-what do you want?”

Cloud felt Sephiroth breathe against his neck. The press of his lips.

“Do you really want to know?” Sephiroth said as white surroundings turned into black. The whole world dyed in such a dark color.

And Cloud found himself wrapped around in shadows. All of a sudden, the world around him sinking into a pool of green.

“No… no more… I don’t want… this. Please. Don’t—” Cloud could feel the terror. The Mako green staring back at him. Glowing. Wanting to swallow him whole.

Nothing good came out from it. The pain of the Mako entering his subconscious, the way the liquid seeped into his pores, into his blood.

Rendering his mind nothing but slush. And yet they kept cutting, injecting—

Sephiroth pulled him down, and Cloud gasped. Feeling his skin sizzle.

“This is how it feels to die. And melt away until you’re all but nothing. A part of me wishes you’d suffer, Cloud. But you _have_ suffered enough. And through your suffering you’ve grown strong. None of this is your fault.”

And Cloud was shaking his head as Sephiroth grasped at his hand, until they were encased in a bubble that slowly crystalized. Cloud tried to swim against it, and tried to break it open but it wouldn’t budge.

“Where… where are we?”

And Cloud felt flashes of visions, of a maze, of blue and white glaciers too cold to touch.

White snow covering the horizon. Not a soul in the distance.

Only silence.

And Sephiroth was asleep in a similar crystal of Mako, waiting.

“Soon, we’ll be reunited. But for now, this is enough. Let me in. I want to carve out a space in your mind. This has gone on for long enough with you rejecting what you truly are. You belong to me.”

“I don’t… I’m my own person. I—”

And the Mako kept filling up and Cloud gasped as his lungs were filled with green but then he realized he could still breathe in it and he looked behind him as Sephiroth merely floated.

Sephiroth smiled, and pulled him closer.

Cloud hated the prison. He was shaking and Sephiroth’s arms wrapped around him. Like shackles.

The green prison reminded him so much of the recurring nightmare. Of the researchers.

Professor Hojo.

When they tried to cut him up.

When they tried to put him back together.

Only to cut him up into pieces.

Until nothing remained.

And they didn’t stop even when he started begging.

A number. He needed a number. He wanted a number.

It made him feel like a child that was trying to run away from a monster but could find no escape. Just like the time when he was crawling towards his house, trying to find a way to make his knees move, because he knew somewhere inside his mother was there, and he could have saved her if he was just strong enough.

“Does it hurt?”

Cloud told himself he was strong. Told himself he was going to be fine. Told himself he was one of the only people who could right the wrongs.

“Can you handle the truth, Cloud?”

But how could he fight this?

And Sephiroth’s voice drowned out everything else. The noise. The Mako. The slowly sinking feeling of despair as his voice echoed on and on.

“I want you.”

And Cloud didn’t want to believe it. Sephiroth had been after his life for so long. What possible use did he have for him?

“And I want the planet to die. But I cannot have both.”

That didn’t make sense.

“Don’t you see there is no sense fighting? The planet was destined to be mine from the start. Neither you or your friends can stop me. And you’ll help me do it. Because that’s what good boys do.” Sephiroth tilted his chin. Staring down at him.

“No. I won’t.”

“Oh, but you will. I have seen it. You’re nothing but a puppet that’s mine to use whenever I see fit. You’ll kill your friends if I wish for it. You will betray them and you’ll always return to me. I am your. Everything.”

Cloud stared at him and Sephiroth’s green eyes turned molten gold.

“I have consciously molded you and guided you. If it were not for me, you would have died many, many times. I pulled at your strings. And you danced for me, thinking all this time that I was your enemy, when I am your savior.”

Sephiroth pulled at his hair. And Cloud whimpered.

“Stop. Stop. Your words mean nothing to me.”

“Stop resisting, Cloud.”

And Cloud winced as he felt Sephiroth’s will crash against his.

He told everyone that he was going to fight him. But Sephiroth did things to him no one else knew.

Cloud couldn’t count how many nightmares he had. Not everyone had a madman stuck in their head. And he fought just because he could, but it wasn’t easy. He knew something was wrong with him, and there was no one else he could share this with.

He was afraid of what they’d think when he told them he was seeing things. Hearing things. He didn’t want to add to the problems they were already facing. Not when everyone around him was trying their best to put a fight. Not when innocent people like Aerith were trying so hard.

He pretended he was strong. He tried to act cool and unbothered.

“You are nothing without me. You know this is the truth, Cloud.”

And Cloud felt part of his will break.

“At any moment, I can take away all that is precious from you. I let you live, because you amuse me, puppet. You struggle despite the odds. You resist me, despite knowing you will lose. What will it take to break your spirit? Shall I kill your friends then. Let us start with the Ancient who tries so hard to interfere with my plans. Shall I have you kill her for me?”

* * *

And a vision appeared of Aerith in her church. Praying. Defenseless.

And Cloud could see his own hands, swinging downwards with his sword to cleave Aerith in half.

Again.

And Again.

And Again.

“No. Stop.”

And Cloud saw Aerith bleeding on the floor.

Dead.

And it would start all over again, with his hands poised above her head.

Stabbing down mercilessly.

And now she faced him, arms spread wide open. Her kind smile never left her face as she said his name.

“Cloud.”

And he cut her.

The pain was just too much and he let go of the sword and started crying.

Only to stab her dead body.

Again and again.

Until her insides have turned into mush.

Until her face had caved in.

The bones crushing beneath the force of the sword.

* * *

And as the vision ended, Cloud started crying and Cloud pressed both his hands on his head. Screaming silently. He was shaking like a leaf.

And Sephiroth crooned in his ear, “If you defy me, you will lose those you’ve gathered around you. So obey me, Cloud. And I promise you, I’ll take care of you.”

Sephiroth held him as he kept crying.

“I… don’t want to kill them.”

“But you will, Cloud. Good puppets obey their masters. This is your true self. You cannot fight me. And when the time comes, you will surrender everything to me. I have kept you alive for this very purpose.” Sephiroth smirked, and a finger was on Cloud’s cheek.

“Crying suits you, puppet. And yet even your tears are fake.”

Cloud whimpered. And Cloud closed his eyes. He was willing to toss away his pride. Because if it were to happen, if he were to lose all of his friends, then what was the point of fighting?

“Please.”

Sephiroth smiled, asking, “Are they really so precious that you would beg for their lives?”

Cloud wanted to say yes, but Sephiroth looked affronted, and the man whispered, “They do not know your true worth. Only I can bring forth your real strength. You are wasted on those fools.”

Cloud felt lips press against him.

And what was it, but an echo of a desire?

He didn’t want to, but his body responded. His mouth opened without his consent, and Sephiroth began touching him. Cloud wanted to close his eyes but couldn’t.

The darkness swallowed him whole.

**_Remember Cloud._ **

**_You’re mine._ **

* * *

Cloud was still shivering as he woke up. He was dreaming but the only thing he could recall was the pain. And Sephiroth's voice. His fingers touching his skin. Calling him puppet. It felt terrible. And it made Cloud want to run away.

“You have a fever. Strange. You’ve never had them before.”

“SOLDIERs aren’t even supposed to have them, Aerith. Just give me an elixir and I’ll be better in no time.” And Cloud pushed himself back up but a muscular hand pushed him back down.

“Down boy, you can’t push yourself too hard. I know you want to help, but if you get sick, then who’s going to kick their asses for us? Get some rest will ya?!” Barret huffed beside him, clearly upset and left the tent.

Cloud looked around and saw Aerith sitting on the sleeping bag next to his. Somehow, she looked satisfied as she laid another blanket on top of him. Cloud could already feel three layers too heavy.

“It’s a nice feeling, to be the one protecting you when you’re always the one protecting me, Cloud.”

Outside, he could hear the pleasant banter of Cid, Yuffie and Vincent. It was thoughtful of them to keep the tent flap open.

He could see their silhouette against the fire.

“Don’t you think he needs to get rid of his cape? I don’t think it’s useful for anything.”

“It acts as camouflage,” Vincent retorted.

Yuffie hollered, “Camouflage my ass. It paints a big red target on your back. Can’t you have it in another color? Like black? Or grey? Or green? But Red? Right Cid, tell me am right or Imma punch you.”

“Settle down lass and leave the man alone. There’s gotta be a special reason why he’s dressed up like that,” Cid retorted.

“I’m right! I know I’m right! You just won’t admit I’m making sense.”

Aerith laughed, covering her mouth with her hand as she watched them. Her hand eventually found Cloud’s and Cloud stared at it as if it was something foreign.

She held his hand the same way in Gold Saucer. And Cloud suddenly remembered, “What about the Temple of the Ancients? What happened when I was asleep?”

“Don’t worry. We haven’t gone there yet. We found out where it is, but we decided not to go without you. You’re our leader after all.” Aerith gave him a cheerful smile.

Cloud moved to sit up but she pressed down on his shoulder.

“Don’t.”

“I can’t just drag us down. Let’s go,” Cloud insisted.

“Cloud, you’re too kind. I think it’s a good thing you are, but there are other people around who care about you. As much as we always push you to do crazy things for us, at the end of the day, you’re just human too, Cloud. So please, rest.”

Cloud stared at Aerith, “I’m not… kind. And I’m an ex SOLDIER. Crazy things should be normal for me.”

Aerith nodded, patiently, as if she was talking to a child. “I know you’re strong. But you’re sick right now. If you’re not kind, Cloud, why did you go after Tifa? Why did you save me? You risked your life to save mine. Even when you know it won’t gain you any money. I know you joined Avalanche just because you needed money at first. But along the way, you stopped doing it for yourself and you started doing it for others. Saving people. Risking your life. Even when you know we’re fighting so many people like Shinra. Sephiroth. You never let it stop you.”

“I—”

Aerith put a hand on his lips. And Cloud closed it.

Aerith stood up and sighed, patting her lap and dusting her back.

“You know, Tifa was worried. You fainted and we had to set up camp and call the rest of the team over and they’ve never left your side except to beat up the monsters around us. When you feel better, why don’t you talk to her? She’s out with Red and Cait Sith. Don’t move while I get you some water, okay?”

Cloud looked at her for a long moment and nodded.

And when Aerith came out, Yuffie went, “Aerith, why don’t you tell them I’m right?”

And Aerith’s chiding voice came right after, “She’s right you know. But I do think Vincent’s cape does suit him. I can’t imagine him wearing another color.”

And the quiet man responded, “As a Turk. I wore black. But that was a long time ago.”

“Why red then?”

“It’s the color of blood.”

“Eww. So you get blood stains all over and you don’t clean it? Hah? I guessed right? In Da Chao’s name, I’ll punish you for being so filthy.”

“Kids these days, I tell you. They never know when to stop.”

“You said something?” Came Yuffie’s annoyed huff.

Cloud laughed despite himself.

But something about the dream still haunted him. An ominous feeling. His fever persisted for a few hours and even with a full cure and potions, the lethargy never left him.

At times. His vision would go blurry.

And he kept hearing a voice.

Static.

And he would look at his hands, wondering if they belonged to him.

Or were they someone else’s?

* * *

They found Tseng bloody at the entrance.

And one name was on his lips.

Sephiroth.

The name brought a wordless shiver as Cloud clutched his head.

Aerith pushed on and Cloud followed her as she raced through the maze.

“I know he’s here. I can feel him.” Cloud found himself saying.

Despite wanting to stay away.

* * *

The Temple was messing with their heads and sense of direction. For many times they got pulled into dead ends. And when they thought everything was over, they had to go past rolling boulders where the only way to get through was to get into the little crack in the middle.

Cloud was able to duck to the left together with the rest of his team and they sighed, wishing it wasn’t so difficult to get through it.

There was a pool of water and it was glowing in a myriad of colors. Cloud stepped closer, feeling something otherworldly about it.

Aerith went to the opposite side, and knelt, “It’s… calling out to me. It’s overflowing with the knowledge of the Ancients. It’s trying to tell me something but I can’t understand.”

And before long, she was laying down on the floor, trying to press her face against the water. Trying to peer into it and Cloud felt alarmed but she looked unharmed.

“There seems to be an evil presence. And it’s warning me.”

And before long they were sucked into a vision.

“What’s going on?”

“Wait! Look! It’s showing us!”

Eventually they came upon a golden room filled with paintings on the wall….

Tseng was standing before it.

“Tseng, what’s this? Can we find the Promised Land with this?” Came Elena’s voice.

“...I wonder. Anyway, we have to report to the President,” Tseng replied to the other Turk.

“Be careful.” 

They conversed but before long Tseng was left alone, staring at the wall and walking down the hallway until he paused as if overcome by a realization when he stared at one particular spot.

“Is this the Promised Land? No, it can’t be…”

**_These fools do not know the truth._ **

And Cloud felt his presence then. Sephiroth appeared out of thin air and raised his sword against Tseng.

“Sephiroth!”

“So you opened the door. Well done,” Sephiroth praised the man even though it felt empty.

“This place… What is it?”

“A lost treasure house of knowledge… the wisdom of the Ancients…” Sephiroth continued, spreading his arms wide.

“I am becoming one with the planet.” The man continued, laughing. And Tseng took a step back.

“One with the planet?” Tseng whispered incredulously.

“You stupid fools. You have never even thought about it. All the energy of this planet. All its wisdom. I will meld with it all. I will become one with it. It will become one with me…” Sephiroth continued, his voice sounding darker. Surer.

And Cloud felt his will echoing inside his head.

“You can do that?” Tseng asked, unsure, and the man was reaching for his gun.

“The way lies here.”

“Only death awaits you all but do not worry for it is through death that a new energy is born. Soon, you will live again as a part of me.” And Sephiroth cut Tseng through leaving the man bleeding on the floor.

Tseng crawled away and Sephiroth just watched him, laughing. The tip of the Masamune stained red with blood.

And the vision vanished.

Aerith looked shaken, “Did you see that?”

“Yes. I think we all did,” Vincent replied and pulled out his gun. “We have to be careful. Sephiroth could still be around here.”

“I can feel him. I know he’s here,” Cloud replied.

“Then let’s not keep him waiting,” Aerith said, trying not to look scared and mustering her courage.

Cloud asked, “...Where is the room with the pictures on the walls?”

“Almost there…” And Aerith led the way. “I know where it is. It’s just past this point. If we hurry, maybe we can stop him from whatever he’s planning.”

“No matter what he thinks. We’ll stop him. I’ll take him out.”

But Cloud just said that, to keep himself calm. To psyche himself up. But inside his ribcage, his heart was beating fast. As if it wanted to burst out.

**_Liar._ **

And when Cloud looked behind, he could see Sephiroth. Feel him descend from the skies. And the man dropped beside him with his sword poised against Cloud’s throat and Cloud looked at him, frozen.

“Where is your courage now?”

The vision vanished together with his laughter.

* * *

The maze continued. And they entered a clockwork room that led to many different rooms. And they went around in circles trying to figure out which door led to which door.

But somehow they made it into the same eerie room and when they got there, Aerith paused to catch her breath.

“This is the room with the murals…”

And Cloud felt his heart seize.

“Where are you?! Sephiroth!” Cloud screamed.

And before long, Sephiroth appeared before them. With his wing outstretched. A pleased smile on his face.

“I am always by your side. Come.”

And the man walked calmly.

And Cloud followed after him, putting his arm to guard his companions against the _very_ dangerous man.

Sephiroth paused against a section of the wall and smirked. “Splendid. Truly a treasure trove of knowledge.”

And Cloud felt frustrated. He had no time to listen to Sephiroth’s mad speeches, “I don’t understand what you’re saying!”

And Sephiroth laughed.

**_You will. In time. You just aren’t ready yet, puppet._ **

And Sephiroth flew backwards “Look…”

And Cloud’s eyes were riveted on the mural. The image of destruction in its wake. Falling from the skies.

This was dangerous.

This was too much.

“I am becoming one with the Planet…”

**_Soon… we will become one._ **

“How do you intend to become one with the Planet?” asked Aerith. Annoyed. Frustrated and trying to hold on to that feeling to stay calm.

Cloud was still feeling his heart race. Too much that he was panting.

And Sephiroth was making no sense whatsoever.

The edges of the man kept flickering.

Distorted.

As if he wasn’t being held together by something tangible.

As if he was about to fade at any given time.

“It’s simple. Once the planet is hurt it gathers energy to heal the injury. The Lifestream. What would happen if the injury threatened the life of the planet itself? Think of how much energy would be gathered? And at the centre of the energy would be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the planet, I will become a new entity. A God. And I will rule over every soul.”

“Are you insane?” Cloud asked.

“No. Behold the ultimate magic, meteor.”

**_Wake up!!_ **

“Wait! Sephiroth!”

And Cloud chased after him, but the man disappeared leaving no trace of his existence.

He was there. He swore he was there.

And Cloud could feel him whispering.

**_You know the truth, Cloud. You know what I want. I want you to get it for me. The Black Materia. Do this as a sign of your loyalty, and I’ll spare your friends._ **

And Cloud was laughing inside. He was trying to fight it but all he could do was shake in his own body as he felt his will be taken over.

“Ha, ha, ha… Black Materia.”

**_That’s right, puppet. Together, we will destroy this planet. Call forth Meteor and all these foolish pests will die by our hand. Then we will be together._ **

‘No. I don’t want that… I don’t…’

And Cloud kept laughing, pressing a hand against his face as tears kept coming, “Call Meteor.”

“Cloud, get a hold of yourself!” Aerith stepped closer but Vincent pulled her back.

“He doesn't look right,” Vincent warned her. But Aerith persisted.

**_Give in. Cloud. Be a vessel for my will._ **

* * *

And Cloud was back in a cage. His twelve year old self was shivering fright, curled up in a fetal position and he wanted to block everything out. Every voice he heard. Every tremor he felt.

The pain that lanced in his body. That moved without him wanting it to.

It’s better not to feel it at all.

It’s better not to get hurt.

Stay in the cage.

Stay there where nothing will ever hurt him.

**_Trapped._ **

Watching as Sephiroth stared at him with pitiless eyes.

And Cloud stared at his small hands.

How could he fight with such a weak body? He was just a kid.

He curled around himself, feeling the green slosh against his cheeks.

Somehow, behind him, a white wing was growing, and it looked scary. Because the second wing was stunted, as if someone had chopped it off.

And it felt heavy on his back and he didn’t know what to do.

**“Cloud! Snap out of it”**

“My name…? That’s my name? Cloud?”

“No. You’re my puppet. That’s all you need to know,” Came Sephiroth’s voice.

And Cloud teared up, “But… who am I then? Am I really just… a puppet? The lady… she’s trying to tell me something… but I’m scared.” And Cloud pressed his face against his knees.

“You poor thing.”

Sephiroth materialized inside his cage and Cloud found himself moving to hug his captor, knowing that in this strange world, he was the only one that ever helped him. Always.

He was always there. Watching. Waiting. When Cloud needed him, he was there. Even if he was the reason for the cage, at some point, Cloud realized he couldn’t do without him.

“It hurts… I don’t remember… I want to… but it hurts. Please… Sephiroth. Help me. Please?”

And Cloud tried to wipe his tears away. He didn’t know how long he’d been trapped inside this cage. Couldn’t count the days.

But he remembered an endless darkness.

And the cage felt safe. As if it would protect him from anything that wanted to harm him. And yet he felt lonely.

“Look at me.”

And Cloud did, looking at molten green eyes. And Cloud felt his breath taken away as Sephiroth spread his wings, “We are the same, you and I. You don’t belong with them. You belong to me. You exist to serve me. You’re better off like this Cloud, obedient. Willing. Mine.”

And Cloud echoed Sephiroth’s words, “Yours.”

“Good boy.”

* * *

“Mm? What’s wrong? Is something wrong?” Cloud asked, pretending as if he hadn’t been struggling with himself earlier.

“It’s nothing. So don’t worry about it,” Aerith said warily. And Aerith stepped away, whispering something in Vincent’s ear.

“Right, Cloud. Nothing’s wrong… Sephiroth got away.” Aerith continued, hesitantly.

And Cloud smiled, and waved his hand in a gesture he never did before and Aerith tried to smile encouragingly.

“...Don’t worry about it. I understood what he was saying.” He pointed at the mural, “This must be Meteor, right?”

“Something huge is falling from the Sky?” Vincent asked.

“This must be the magic that Sephiroth was talking about, the ultimate destructive magic, meteor. It finds small drifting planets with its magic and then collides with them. This planet might get wiped out entirely.” Aerith gestured at it once again… and then looked at Cloud imploringly.

And Cloud’s eyes died down in shimmer. A dull blue. But before she could say anything more, the whole temple shook as something crashed from above.

“Sephiroth?!”

**_No._ **

* * *

“Shouldn’t I fight with them too?”

Cloud asked, as he settled down and finally managed to stop himself from crying.

“You’ll only hurt yourself if you fight. And how will they react when they realize you’re the enemy?”

“I’m not…” Cloud tried to deny it, and told himself, “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I want to… protect…”

“But aren’t you afraid, puppet? Who can you protect when your resolve to fight is so weak? Let me take care of everything.” Sephiroth murmured against his ear.

Cloud’s smaller hands were held by Sephiroth’s larger one.

“Why are you lying to them… to us? Master… aren’t you a God already?”

“I am,” Sephiroth admitted and the man continued, “But I enjoy seeing you struggle. I wonder if your present self will realize that you are the reason why I still exist in this plane. For that reason alone, I consider you a valuable prize, something I must protect....”

And Cloud frowned, “But… once you… have me. Once reunion happens, will you let me go? That’s all you want, so you can have your body… No?” Cloud’s blue green eyes stared back at gold as Sephiroth’s hands traced his lips.

“So innocent. Why should I let go of you when I told you repeatedly that it’s you who I want, and no one else? Even this fragment of yourself that you tried to keep away from me and from everyone else, only I will ever get to see it. Broken as you are, I still consider you… precious.”

And Cloud stared at his hands. Wondering what Sephiroth saw in him. Wondering what was so special about him. Why Sephiroth was being so kind.

But why did it hurt all the same. He wished everything would just stop and start to make sense to him but his memories were slipping by.

“I’m only useful as a puppet. While I’m here… you hurt those people…”

“Why should those people matter to you at all, puppet?” Sephiroth asked, and soon there was a hand stroking Cloud’s broken wing and he winced.

“Nghhh…” And Cloud slumped against Sephiroth’s hold whimpering, “Because my name is… my name is Cloud, right? I’m Cloud?”

Sephiroth smiled back at him.

“You think too much, puppet.” And Sephiroth leaned downwards, and pressed his lips against his.

A kiss. Of ownership.

And Cloud trembled.

“How innocent,” Sephiroth dragged his fingers along the boy’s naked body and placed it on the boy’s hips.

“Soon, I will have your body. Your mind already belongs to me. And your spirit will join mine. Why struggle?”

“Because I want to… because… that’s the right thing to do.”

“You’ll only hurt yourself, Cloud. Why not sleep? Your existence is tied to mind irrevocably. Sooner or later, you will give in.”

And Cloud nodded, “I know… I know but… but I don’t want to make _her_ cry. She looked like she was about to… when she was calling my name… and even when it feels scary… you’re not really going to hurt me, are you?”

“Oh, Cloud. You don’t know how much I’ve already hurt you… And seeing you openly defy me, makes me even want to hurt you even more.”

Sephiroth threatened. And Cloud smiled, “I know.”

Cloud pressed his lips against Sephiroth’s.

“And I know you’ve been protecting me too. You said so yourself.”

Sephiroth smiled back at him, “Oh? Do tell.”

Cloud reached out for a rather painful memory, “When… we were trapped in a prison cell in Shinra, you could have hurt my friends even back then when we were all asleep. You killed almost everyone on the floor. So you could break me out… right? And you had so many opportunities to kill my friends. Through me. Why… why wait?”

And Cloud winced as Sephiroth’s patience ran out..

“Who gave you permission to recall those memories. Stop thinking, Cloud.”

“I… I…”

And Cloud collapsed, feeling his thoughts disappear.

One by one.

Until there was only him and Sephiroth. His love and admiration for his hero.

Sephiroth kissed his forehead then.

“You’re nothing but a doll.”

And yet.

Something about that felt wrong. Cloud hated it. Hated being called a doll or a puppet. He had a name. Even if sometimes he couldn’t remember it.

“No… No I’m not.” He resisted.

“You aren’t? Then prove it.”

* * *

And Cloud felt life return back to his body and he stared at the corpse of a Dragon that they just slew.

He looked at his friends who were trying to understand the conundrum that they were in.

“Somehow we’ll need to solve the puzzle… but the Black Materia is the Temple itself. We’ll get crushed if we stay here.”

“Then I’ll help you!” There was an excited voice as a large mascot suddenly came ambling through and a robot cat waved on top of it.

“Cait Sith!”

And Cait Sith explained everything and started apologizing profusely, “I know you might not trust me despite everything but if this will help save the world, then I’m all for it.”

“Come on, Cloud… Say something…”

“I’m not good at this.”

Cait Sith was standing before them.

“Mmm, I understand. I feel the same too.”

But Cloud felt like his head was splitting in two.

**_Puppet._ **

‘Shut up.’

“Why don’t you read our fortunes?”

“Say that’s right… I haven’t done it in a while, huh? I’m so excited. Right or wrong. I’m still the same ol’ me. Now what should I predict.”

“Let’s see how compatible Cloud and I are.” Aerith offered.

“That’ll cost you exactly one date. Here I go…!” Cait Sith looked excited and a series of beeping sounds could be heard as the robot processed the request.

“Oh no. This isn't good. I can’t say it. Poor Tifa.” Cait Sith murmured worriedly.

“No! Tell me! I promise I won’t get mad.” Aerith looked excited now.

“Is that so? Then I’ll tell you.” Cait Sith started bouncing as he said, "Looks good. You are perfect for each other. Aerith’s star and Cloud’s star. They show a great future! Cloud I’ll be your matchmaker. Preacher. I’ll do whatever you want me to! You just call me when it all happens! Thank you for believing in me despite knowing I’m a spy. This is my final act.”

“Be strong, Cait Sith!” Aerith called out.

They got out, and eventually, the temple kept shrinking and shrinking.

And Cait Sith’s voice died from the PHS.

A part of the robot condensed in the Black Materia forever. The ball lay in the bottom of the ruins and Cloud found himself jumping down to get it.

Aerith moved behind him despite the danger.

“As long as we have this, Sephiroth won’t be able to summon Meteor. Can one of you guys use it?”

Aerith shook her head slowly, “We need a lot of energy to use this, and none of us have that right now.”

“You mean lots of spiritual energy?” Cloud asked.

“Somewhere special where there’s a lot of energy.”

“The Promised Land!” Aerith said.

And Cloud clutched at his head, “No… but the Promised Land.”

“You’re thinking about him again. Sephiroth is different. He’s not an Ancient.”

Cloud nodded to himself, “Then he shouldn’t be able to find the Promised Land.”

But the Man appeared from the sky, descending down, “But I already have. I am far superior to the ancients. I became the traveler of the Lifestream. I gained knowledge of the Ancients and those after the extinction of the Ancients. Soon, I will create the future.

“I won’t let you do it! The future is not just yours.”

“Hahaha, I wonder?”

**_Wake up!_ **

“Shut up… The noise… My head. It’s splitting in two.”

A white crackling noise filled the background as Cloud felt himself reverting into his younger self. The self he’d been trying to hide from everyone. The part of Cloud that was quietly being corrupted by Sephiroth himself.

The one so susceptible to his call.

“The noise…”

“There, Cloud… Good boy.”

“No.” Cloud felt his heart beat loudly against his chest but he couldn’t fight him. He began walking mechanically towards Sephiroth. His hands outstretched.

“No!” Aerith said but she was frozen by a spell.

“Well done.”

And Cloud collapsed on the dirt. Sephiroth smirked as he flew away and vanished. Vincent leapt down and tried to pull Aerith away.

“I gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth?! Aerith? What have I done? Uhhhhg! What have I done.”

“Be strong Cloud. It’s not your fault,” Aerith said, and she was afraid. She looked as if she couldn’t trust him anymore. And it broke Cloud’s heart.

“I’m…”

And Cloud clutched at his chest. Feeling his heart palpitate too fast.

“I… I can’t—”

* * *

“You used me,” Cloud said, after a while, staring at Sephiroth whose hands were upon the Black Materia.

“I told you there’s no use fighting, Cloud. As a puppet, this is all you’re good for.” Sephiroth absorbed the Materia and smirked.

“Don’t worry, there’s still so much left to be done.”

Cloud trembled.

“No more. I don’t want to be part of it.”

“Then you should have stayed. Unaware. Just like all the other clones. This is why you’re a failure.”

Cloud flinched and reflexively stared at his shoulder that didn’t have a number.

“I hate you.”

Sephiroth’s hands closed around his throat.

And despite knowing that there was no need to breathe in the subspace of his own mind, Cloud cried out in fear.

And his legs struggled from underneath him. And he started crying. When had he become so weak?

When?

**_Foolish boy._ **

Even mother was disappointed.

And Cloud coughed and tried to crawl away. The darkness was endless, but he’d rather be swallowed by it, to disappear forever than be found again if all that was waiting for him was misery.

“You need me, Cloud. You need me to exist. I am your guiding light. You would not be alive if it were not for me.”

Cloud knew that.

It was the truth.

But he also meant it when he hated Sephiroth.

Sephiroth should have let him die, long ago. Back when his mother was burning in that house. He should have died with her.

He could imagine crawling in that fiery chasm and just letting himself burn.

He couldn’t protect anyone, much less himself. He should just run away like Sephiroth said. Run away so he couldn’t hurt anyone.

Or just kill himself and be done with it.

One less clone to worry about.

And before long Sephiroth was soothing him. “Without me, you’ll wither away to nothing. Let me fix you, Cloud.”

This was a disease and it has already entered him.

It was fatal, Cloud realized.

And despite Sephiroth hurting him, here he was, willingly crawling back.

Because despite him wanting to stay lost in the darkness.

The Darkness was still a scary place.

And he didn’t want to be left alone.

And to disappear into nothingness was a scary thought when Sephiroth had always been a companion. His master. His everything.

He was all that he had left.

“That wasn’t so difficult was it, Cloud?”

And Sephiroth just let him stay there, shaking in his arms.

“I’m sorry.”

Cloud blamed himself for a lot of things.

He even blamed himself for failing to save him. For being the reason why his master turned into a monster.

A God. A Demon.

“I’m sorry, master.” And Cloud really didn’t want to, but mother’s voice made him feel sad. He knew he was foolish, a long time ago. If he wasn’t, none of this would have happened. He was the traitor that killed him once.

He was the traitor and Sephiroth was kind enough to save him. Take him under his wing and nurture him. Let him grow and cherish him.

“I don’t want mother to hate me too… I don’t want… you to hate me… I’m sorry. I’ll be good. So please don’t be mad at me.”

And Sephiroth was patient, and Cloud felt the rest of his will being chipped away. Sephiroth’s smiling face staring back at him.

“Stay as you are, Cloud. Stay mine. Forever.”

Cloud nodded.

And pressed his face against those gloved hands.

Even if it was just inside his head. Even if it was just a small part of him. This was his true self too. As true as any other self that existed within him.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, the title was "True Self" but at the same time, given that this is just one aspect of Cloud's mind, I didn't want to be so presumptuous. Going back, when I looked at the dialogue in the original game, Sephiroth was so vague about the future but he did say he knows what happens even after the extinction of the Ancients (when Aerith dies), and he was giving out all his plans as if they didn't truly matter if he kept it a secret.
> 
> It was obvious to me he was just leading Cloud along, to make him stronger and for what particular reason? I hope the Remake will make it clearer. But he repeatedly does say he wants to save the planet, in order to keep his bond with Cloud. I feel that the strength of Cloud's hatred and lingering feelings (whether bad or good) for Sephiroth is what keeps Sephiroth alive and I guess other canon written work about Cloud and Sephiroth supports this as a fact. That as long as Cloud lives, Sephiroth will always come back. I explored the same theme in some of the other stories in the series just like in [The Path to Healing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24888139) or [When I Close My Eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24720091).
> 
> I guess it's just nice to see what's going on inside Cloud's head when Sephiroth assaults him mentally. Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed it. ~~If this is something you like, I might consider writing a mentally traumatized/broken Cloud where Sephiroth is his primary caretaker next.~~
> 
> Let me know what you think! I love feedback and constructive criticism so please don't hesitate to tell me anything~


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